“The Mayor of Kuchartown” – Matt Dick

In the words of Dr. Evil:

“The details of my life are quite inconsequential”

But very well, where do I begin. My father was not a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium. He had neither low-grade narcolepsy nor a penchant for buggery. I never recall him claiming to have invented the question mark. My mother is not named Chloe, was never a prostitute and does not have webbed feet. My parents did, however, foster in me an interest in sports that continues to this very day.

My own sporting career was initially hindered and ultimately doomed by a crippling lack of athletic ability. Sadly, mine is not a “Rocky-esqe” story of the plucky underdog battling against physical limitations to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds, all set to a musical montage of course. Instead, I effectively stuck a fork in my own vague sporting dreams by coupling my lack of ability with a lack of application, as I discovered the twin vices that have brought down many promising sporting careers – alcohol and young ladies. Although, it must be said that most athletes’ problems with the fairer sex are due to an overabundance of success in that area; I personally enjoyed significantly more contact and success with the former than the latter.

That said, the interest in sports my parents helped develop never wavered like my dedication to actually playing them and I have seldom been short of opinions on different teams, players and sports – or anything really. So, I thought to myself, why not do what others who cannot play themselves do, and criticise those who can?

It seems to me that many of those who cover sports take themselves and their opinions very seriously, even though amongst my friends, we generally conclude they talk a lot of bollocks. Which progressed my thinking to: “Well, I can spout uninformed bollocks.”

So this is the result. But, instead of making ridiculous hyperbolic overstatements clearly designed to create controversy and draw attention to myself, I try to have a bit of fun with it and hopefully look at things from a slightly different angle. After all, as the original sports agent, the late, great Dickey Fox said: “Hey, I don’t have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I’ve failed as much as I’ve succeeded.”

However, I shall point out this website is in no way endorsed or related to this guy, the former Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket and now professional golfer. I was simply tagged with the “Matty Kuchar” nickname during a Tuesday night out at university, which may have involved a drink or two. But unlike an edge flying through to former England wicketkeeper Geraint Jones, the nickname stuck.